Asmartartz Photography

Have you ever sat in a 9-5 job and thought: Why are they doing it like that? Why does no-one listen to my ideas? Why have they re-written what I have just done? If I had my own way I would do it like this....

You feel frustrated that you don't have control and you are not being heard!You know you have skills and a style, and just want to get on with it and have a voice and be heard and have some control.
.
You wish you could do something of your own, the way you want it, in your style.

You can!

With a blog you own your very own slice of the internet, and you can do whatever you want with it (within reason!). Heck you can even promote craft projects you have on the go, host interviews with people you admire, share your skills and talent and teach people, share recipes. Connecting with your very own audience that you built, on your own!

No one can tell you what style your blog should be, the topics, the frequency, the style you write in or what you choose to write about!

It is your blog and everything is up to you. This is your chance, this is your space - own it!
You have control so make it work for you and have fun!

Get in touch and let me know what first made you start blogging, and leave a link to your blog so we can come over and say hi!

Andrea x

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So this is the last post that is part of Alex Beadon's Feel Good Blogging Challenge and I have actually loved it! It has been deliberately crafted to push us out of our comfort zones.

I understand why, because you cant be true to yourself, your blog, your business, your life or your readers if you don’t state your views from time to time? How will people really know who you are, or if you have anything in common if you don’t let people know that you have an opinion on matters?

Alex Beadon and Kat from Rock n Roll bride are both advocates of the anti-vanilla stance and who can argue with these two strong business savvy ladies?

So I have been thinking…. What can I write about…. Don’t want to upset people for the sake of it.

Then I realised that I kept coming back to the same subject, so this is it folks!

Why does being Childfree piss so many people off?

Really it shouldn’t be a controversial subject, but it is, the world over.

Numerous books have been written on the subject, there are pro and anti forums filled with people wanting their say, magazine articles in womens mags who have written pieces on being ChildFree (CF) sounding incredulous that this is a thing that women actually find acceptable. Then there are the times when the media are sent into meltdown when a female celebrity has the courage to stand up and say that they are happy being childfree. People are confused, upset and angry that they should dare to do their own thing while all those in the CF camp breath a sigh of relief that there is a famous face to be the poster child for their cause.

I find the whole situation confusing and feel myself getting defensive, where before it was never a subject that needed discussion. I know my own mind and this is how it is going to be.
Now over the last few years it seems to hve been a topic that is open for discussion.

This may be due to the fact that I had got married, and was already of the age where I ‘should be considering starting a family’.

I have known since I was 8 that I didn’t want kids. I remember vividly, thinking that I wanted to have bigger ambitions for my future than to just marriage and babies. Now before you finish your cry of indignation remember that this is how I felt/feel about it, but I am not saying that this is not a fulfilling life for someone else. You see where I am going with this?

Although I had made my feelings clear about kids when I first got together with my (now) husband, somehow over the years the lines had become blurred, and I convinced myself that having children would make us happy, it is what you should do, and there had been vague conversations.
I didn’t want to let him down but I wasn’t ready, maybe when I reach this age or after we move house or maybe then or after this has happened…. I fretted constantly about this deadline that I had given myself for trying for children and it just felt like a prison sentence looming closer and closer.
I ended up making myself sick and I was racked with a choking depression, and spent a lot of my time crying. Physically and mentally fighting against every instinct in my body, desperately trying to convince myself that I could become a parent and it would be fine. I am sure it would please my husband and this is what was expected in a marriage, right?!

Then one day I had lunch with a friend who gave me wise and desperately needed advice.
‘Don’t do it because you feel obligated, don’t do it because you are worried about upsetting people. You have to do it because you want it. You will be the one raising the child and it will be your life you have to lead. Once you have kids your life will never be the same. If I could have known what life would become as a parent I don’t know if I would have done it. You love them, but your life is turned upside down, and no one will ever tell you in advance how hard it is because they don’t want to scare you off. You have a choice and if you don’t want to do it don’t, it is not fair on anyone involved including the baby.’

It was if a weight had lifted off my shoulders. I did have a choice! I had somehow forgotten this along the way while I had been busy convincing myself that this is what I wanted.

My husband and I needed to have a talk and make some important decisions. Marriage is about compromise but you cant compromise over a baby, it was all or nothing. If he decided that he did see kids in his future then we would have to go our separate ways as it would not be fair to deny him that.
He said that he loved me and wanted to be with me and for us to continue to have fun together and go on adventures. He told me later that he had always assumed that he would have kids when he was grown up becaue that is just what you do, and he had never stopped to think if he really wanted them; and when we talked he realised he wasn’t bothered.

We had been through lots of tough times since we had been together (a story for another time maybe) and we had not really had the chance to be a normal couple and have fun, so this was our chance now.

So we openly embarked on a CF future. Both sets of parents were supportive of our decision and this made it a lot easier and we knew we were lucky.

There are still times when I/we feel awkward or like outsiders in social situations as many of our friends and family have reached the age where they have either got children or starting their own brood, and we find ourselves surrounded by people talking about nothing buy nappy changes and school places or knee high in toddlers.
I am tempted to do one of two things in these situations and that is either launch into a very involved conversation about my own toiletry habits (not nice is it?!) or turn around and leg it out of there, but social politeness and good manners dictates that neither of these options would be received very well (or leave us with very many friends)! :-)

But as a happily married child free couple we are making our life what we want it to be and we have the luxury to do this.

Some of the common misconceptions about being Childfree:

You are being selfish

Absolutely not!! How can the decision not to have children be classed as selfish as opposed to the people that choose to have children?
Selfish to who? Selfish how?
Are we being selfish to the non existent child? Selfish for not taking maternity leave and for not costing private companies and the tax payer money.
Selfish for not joining the ever growing queue for school places?
Selfish for not contributing to the hideous school run traffic that makes people's commute a misery?
Selfish for not taking time off work to look after sick children?
Selfish for not talking endlessly about children, their diets and their bowel movements
Selfish for not increasing my carbon footprint expendentially. did you know that: Under current conditions in the United States, each child ultimately adds about 9,441 metric tons of carbon dioxide to the carbon legacy of an average parent – about 5.7 times the lifetime emissions for which, on average, a person is responsible.
Being childfree is the BIGGEST thing you could ever do to be environmentally responsible!

Or are Childfree people simply being Selfish for not wanting to be crippled by huge debts and responsibilities. Not having to save every penny for the cost of raising children. In January 2014 it was reported that the cost of raising a child and supporting them through university has risen by £5,000 over the past 12 months to £227,266, according to figures put together by the Centre of Economic and Business Research (CEBR).

No one has any right to accuse a childfree person of being selfish.

You will change your mind, you don't know what you want, or what you are missing.

How dare someone tell you your own mind! if someone can know they want children, why is it presumed that people who do not are incapable of making that decision for themselves? Once you have kids there is no changing your mind back, so maybe that is the reason?
You will often find that CF people have spent a lot longer thinking about the pro's and con's of having children and have ensured that they have made a thoughtful and well considered decision. You will often find that CF people spend a lot more time considering this important decision than people who chose to have children do, as they are often driven by basic instinct.
Yes certainly there will be aspects of being a parent that we won't understand or experience, but that is our choice. You dont need to feel sorry for us because we dont feel like we are missing out.

Child Free people hate children

No, not all of them by any means! You will find that many CF enjoy being around children, and have nieces, nephews adn friends children that they enjoy spending time with, but just dont want the responsibility of their own.
Not all CF people enjoy spending time with children though as it just does not interest them, and they would rather spend their time doing things they find fulfilling and enjoyable.
Some CF people love their careers or run their own business and want to spend their energies on this as this is their passion.
Some others love animals and the environment, so they fill their lives with their pets or volunteer and campaign on environmental causes that they are passionate about.

Childfree don't want children because they had a traumatic childhood.

This is a ridiculous sweeping statement, and is NOT the reason that many CF chose to stay free and enjoy their lives.
This statement could easily be turned aroundand say that people who have children have them to make up for their own traumatic childhoods. Haha - how do you like that?!

There will be no one to look after you when you get old.

I find this statement one of the most shocking!
If you are having children with the view that they are some kind of insurance policy for your old age then that is worryingly selfish. There is no guarantee that this will happen so please dont use this as a reason for someone to have a child.

Some of the benefits of being ChildFree:

You have less frown lines
You will probably be better off
You get to read a lot more
Your time is your own (apart from when you are work)
You can listen to your favourite radio station or CD instead of nursery rhyme songs
You wont spend your time ferrying children around from one after school club to another
You dont have to be setting a good example all the time
You get to be the cool aunt/uncle or god parent
You can stay out late whenever you want
Your house will stay clean and tidy (unless of course you are like me and a bit of a horder!)
You get to holiday off season

and finally

You can have a lie in every weekend!

So lovelies I hope that has helped make things a little clearer and whether you are childfree, with kids, or undecided it is your choice, your life, and just make sure you have fun with it!

This is the last post as part of the Feel Good Blogging Challenge. if you want to catch up on the others in this project you can read them here #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6

Andrea x

Some resources for you:

Books to read
Childfree and loving it
I can barely take care of myself
Two is enough

Forums
The Childfree Life
Childfree Living

Blogs
Childfree Me
We're not having a baby
Childfree by Choice Project

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The Feel Good Blogging Challenge is nearly over and it is time to go back to business as usual.
There is just one more to post that is still in process, and has been the longest and trickiest to write. The subject. Controversy. Stay tuned.

This challenge has filled me with inspiration and ideas for the future of my blog.
I hope you will stick around to join me on my journey!

Andrea xx

This post is being written as part of the Alex Beadon Feel Good Blogging Challenge, and although agreeing to write and post 7 posts is invigorating (have just realised that I need to feel accountable) it is also designed to push you. This is certainly the case when you are given the subject to write about.

Particularly now as the subject of today’s post is Vulnerability.

Who really wants to lay themselves bare to their audience? I guess vulnerability and courage need to go hand in hand.

There are so many things that I could class as vulnerability in my life, but these are intricate parts of my life and not for public consumption or judgement.

There are however other moments that have made me feel raw and exposed, and there are lessons that can be learnt from these. Teachable moments I guess. So let me begin….

When I had my business I was keen to learn all that I could and had my heart set on all different kinds of courses that would help me to improve. The problem was money. All of the courses mounted up to A LOT of money, and so I had to decide.

In the end despite the numerous photography courses that were on my list I chose a 3 day business course. This was expensive but was taught by a well known person who was very successful, so that was a good sign.

I spoke to them on the phone to find out more about the course and the team seemed nice and friendly. I needed to pay a deposit to reserve my place, for the next course in 5 months time. Places were limited and it was a popular course.

Then a couple of months later disaster struck when my husband was made redundant. All our priorities changed, and suddenly paying all this money for a course was not feasible. I gave the company a call and explained the situation. I needed to cancel my place (and was expecting to lose some of my deposit as a charge) as I was using all the money from my savings to do this course, and now I needed that money to help pay the bills.

They were not interested, I was too late to cancel and told me that I would still have to pay the remaining balance whether I attended or not (despite previously telling me that they are always oversubscribed for this course.)

I felt angry and betrayed as I respected the owner and the company and felt that this was greedy and showed a lack of empathy.

Teachable moment 1: STOP. Take a breath. Say you will call them back and then find the contract that they would/should have sent you over when you paid your deposit. If you did not have a contract stating the terms then they cannot make you do this. If there is a contract make sure you check what the cancellation clause is and that they are sticking to it. I am still kicking myself about this now, as I was so flustered and worried by the whole situation I just reacted.

So I paid my money and went on the course, as I was having to pay for it either way. It was a good course and we covered a large range of subjects and I met some great people.

The last day of the course included a critique of our work so you could learn and improve.

No one likes to receive criticism, but criticism and a critique are two different things. A critique should be useful, helpful, positive feedback with steps you can take to change to continue to improve and grow. Criticism is someone being thoughtless with how they are speaking to you, being overly negative and making the task ahead seem impossible and overwhelming, leaving you searching for a positive moment to take away from the encounter.

I was feeling a little hopeful about the feedback as I was booking paid shoots and making money from my photography, and had enquiries coming in from recommendations.

So when I was taken into my critique I was not fully prepared for what I was about to hear.

They didn’t like my business name. They felt it was complicated and long and they didn't get it. OK, I could understand that, I could reconsider how I could improve this, but I had a domain, website, blogs and social media all in my business name, so this was no small feat, and would require a complete and extensive and expensive re-brand. Something to think about in the future maybe.

By the way it is Asmartartz Phototography = A smart arse Photography – A also because my name is Andrea, and I thought it brought a nice symmetry to it. Get it?

Then they went on to say that they didn’t think I had the full technical capabilities to be a photographer, and my images were not up to scratch and they didn’t like my style.

They recommended that I go away and sign up for a basic beginners photography course and learn how to take photographs again.

I was dumbstruck, and heartbroken, and actually felt my self-belief, confidence and business dreams crumble and fall away from me as I sat there.

I left the room, climbed into my car and sobbed down the phone to my husband. I had just spent the only savings I had to be told I was wasting my time, and was not on my was to a successful future as a photographer after all.

I later found out that the majority of my other classmates received equally harsh critiques that shook their confidence as well.

I left the course with my workbook and a bitter taste in my mouth.

The problem was that the words had got under my skin, and shaken me to my core. I had taken every single one of them to heart.

If after all these years of doing photography I was no further forward, what had I been wasting my time for? I felt really humiliated, because if they thought that, then everyone else must be thinking it too. Feeling sorry for me and humouring me all this time.

So I then allowed someone who did not know me, and would have no further contact with me to decide my future. I believed them and just started to give up and let it go.

The irony is that a few months later I started seeing magazine shoots and lingerie catalogues (I was doing mainly boudoir by this point) shooting in my style, but it was too late and the wheels had been set in motion and I didn’t have the mental strength to undo it as I had no self confidence left.

I made the stupid mistake of giving up which I have had to add to my list of regrets (yes I know you are not meant to have those either!).

The thing is that there were some points during this session which I agreed with; something’s could do with improving. I could refine some areas and learn more techniques, (you should always be constantly learning and improving) but it was all wrapped up in such a negative bow that I still struggle to pick out the learning I got from this to this day, and still feel the same ache in my heart when I think about it. It could have been such a different experience if the way they critiqued was positive and encouraging.

Teachable moment 2: I let someone else’s opinion dictate my future and my self-worth. I gave away my happiness, and the option of making a life for myself because of some words that someone said to me one day. Don’t let it happen to you.

Yes criticism is hard and in some cases hurtful, but it should make you want to fight for it harder and prove them wrong. Wouldn't that just be the sweetest tasting rainbow coloured cupcake with glittery sprinkles on you could have if you can do this?

I really want a cupcake now.

I recently came across this quote and I think it is very appropriate:

“I don’t care what you think about me.

I don’t think about you at all.”

Coco Chanel

Teachable moment 3: Live your life and don’t let someone else decide what you are capable of. Only you know that.

Andrea x

Whenever I find a useful or informative site it is always nice to pass it on. Here is a collection for your delectation.

1) Light Blue Software
If you are running a photography business and need to get a invoicing and sales workflow in place that makes you organised, helps you keep track of what is going in and out, what orders are in the pipeline all the while keeping your branding in line, than you need to check out Light Blue Software. I have had a couple of demonstrations with this and it is even though I don't have a business anymore it is on my want list! http://www.lightbluesoftware.com/

2) Wunderlist
Love to do lists and actionable tick lists? Then this is for you. Not only is it FREE (I love that word) but you can get it for your PC and the app for your phone and your lists will sync with each other so you always keep track of where you are and what there is still to do. You can even assign tasks to others. My husband is now an avid convert. https://www.wunderlist.com/

3) CreativeBloq
This site bursting full of useful info and tips for designers, photographers, bloggers, freelanceers, and I am regularly saving articles from this site to refer back to. As such let me share one with you now (you are welcome), keeping on track with helpful workflow ideas check out this post: http://www.creativebloq.com/productivity/ways-to-improve-51411543

4) Sneeky Peeky
Need some office design inspiration, want to know how the BIG creative Industries design their offices, so their staff are happy? Love sneek peeks into other offices (I do!!) then look at this post showing some of the offices of those places you would love to work like Google:
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/creative-modern-office-designs/

5) Hate soggy salad?
Fed up with the expensive bags of pre-packed salad turning to mush in the bags before you get a chance to use it up? Then you are going to LOVE this tip (thanks to my mother-in-law for this brilliant tip). As soon as you have opened your new bag of salad, get a square of kitchen paper and put it inside the bag with the salad. The tissue will absorb the excess liquid and condensation that builds up in the bag and keeps your salad fresher for much longer! Ta-dah!

Hope you found something in this post useful and inspiring!

Have a great week

Andrea xx

I am happily child-free!

I knew from an early age that being a parent was not for me. I haven’t got a paternal bone in my body, and when I see friends and family with their kids I know I have made the right decision. My husband and I are happy to take advantage of the other opportunities that life presents you when you don’t have the responsibility that parenthood brings.

Such as:

Relaxing with a good book
Staying out late with no notice
Enjoying last minute holiday deals getting to go away at cheaper times of the year without the crowds!
The ability to pack up our lives and go and live wherever we want should the urge come over us!

I get intensely irritated with people trying to tell me my own mind and what I should be feeling and doing, we all live the lives we choose so chillax! (yes I did just say chillax - sorry)

I am obsessed with VW camper vans!

I can’t afford to own one but love them and our house is full of VW memorabilia. Friends even lent us their camper ‘Dottie’ for our wedding day. If VW’s drive past me in the street I always wave at them, which bemuses the drivers no end.

So if you own a VW and see a random women waving at you when you pass it is probably me!

I am scared of horses!

Horses also HATE me. I was bitten by a horse when I was eight years old and it has steadily gone downhill from there. I seem to give off some horse riling pheromone that sets them into attack mode whenever I am near. Friends used to think I was joking until they witnessed it themselves and we ended up running for our lives when a huge stallion in a field took umbrage with me walking past.

I have sneezing fits all the time!

It is getting a little out of control now, and loads of things set me off now such as :

Sun shining in my eyes

Shivering when I am cold

Coughing

Using ear buds after a shower

But friends it doesnt stop there now, to cap it all off I have ridiculous sounding sneezes. Comedy sneezes of all different varieties that get me mocked wherever I may be! Think of an irratated chipmunk crossed with a dunk in a cartoon.

I love having a bit of Sex in the City!

Even though I mainly buy most of my clothes in whichever charity shops I can find, can't walk in a pair of heels to save my life, and think that accessorising is wearing matching socks; I absolutely love Sex in the City. I love the beautiful outfits they wear, their socialising at all hours and their unbreakable bond of friendship. The girliness and frank discussions on all subjects really appeals to me. I guess it is because I struggle to let the inner girly out, and am not very good at speaking my mind for fear of upsetting people. I also don't really act like a grown up and dont pull of sophisicated or elegant very well either. Think rock boots, jeans and baggy tops and you are there!

I am the Pied Piper of cats!

No matter where I go I always find a cat friend to keep me company and chat to. When I was younger I would regularly have a line of cats following me down the road. I have had several stray cats over the years who have adopted me and moved in!

My nickname is Pink!

This is because I spent most of my teens and twenties with bright pink hair. I have also experimented with most of the colours in between. I also used to have multi coloured hair extensions and they used to glow under UV light (loved them soooooo much!). I currently have a box of purple hair dye on the bathroom shelf calling my name. Maybe in time for Halloween me thinks!

I am so homesick for Brighton!

I feel so connected to the coast and the sea that I have always known that I have to live by it. So one day I handed my notice in at my job in London, packed a backpack and headed off to Brighton. I moved into a room with 6 other girls in a youth hostel, signed up to all the local job agencies and started my new life! Once I had some work, I found myself a little studio flat with views over Brighton and loved every minute of it. It was at this job that I met my husband!

I like to fly around Supermarkets at night!

I really enjoy going shopping in Supermarkets at night when there is not many people around, because it means I can grab a trolley, take a run up and jump on, so I can fly down the aisles! Sometimes I graciously drape myself across them (yeah right) while sailing down the aisle while pretending I am Superman (or Superwomen).

We have a backup plan to runaway to the beach!

My husband and I have agreed that if we have had enough of this 9-5 life in Suburbia we are going to pack it all in and runaway to the beach, and live down by the sea for a year.We can then discover who we really are, what we want from life, and tap into the creative flow!

So there you go - there are my 10. Hopefully you feel like you know me a bit better now and you still want to be my friend! ;-)

Andrea

I am taking part in the Feel Good Blogging Challenge which has been set by Alex Beadon. Being challenged to continue to push your boundaries, we have been set the challenge of making a tutorial. I have made previous tutorials on my blog, but to come up with something with no warning, though initially terrifying ended up being truly invigorating!

So ladies and gentleman I would like to present my tutorial: How to turn used herb jars into mini vases for your home.

Level: Easy peasy! *

Make a cute selection of mini vases to display pretty feathers, seed heads etc.

Not only are they useful for displaying your bits, they are recycled and upcycled!

What you need: empty herb jars, and/or used reed diffuser bottles. Decorative materials such as washi tape, garden twine, pva glue, leaves,

First wash off the labels and clean the jars and bottles thoroughly to remove any sticky residue or oil.

Now is the fun bit – deciding how you want to decorate them. You can be creative with them as you want and get them to suit your own personal style.

In this example I have used washi tape on one, and simple garden string with a little shell I found on the beach for the other.

You could also pick up pretty leaves or petals and then stick them on the jars with coatings of PVA (which dries clear). If you have some plastic cote decorative spray, or a metallic sprays from previous projects, you could make a selection of bright colourful vases.

The possibilities are endless!

Once you have finished decorating your vases you can display all your pretty bits.

Idea: Why not make holiday memory vases? If you have collected bits from holiday, that bring you happy memories collect them all together to make a display (such as the vase with the washi-tape on, which has a collection of colourful keepsakes from our recent holiday in Greece).

Once you have made yours I would love to see your finished pieces. Please come back here and share them with a link to your page, or post them to my Facebook page here* for everyone to see!

Happy Making!

Asmartartz Photography

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